interfaith

Interfaith Etiquette Guide

from the Foundation for Religious Tolerance

INTERFAITH COURTESY
There are important differences and similarities between faith expressions, the belief of the Roman Catholic and that of the Jew--between what the Quaker believes and what guides the Buddhist or the Eastern Orthodox. One key to harmonious community life is courtesy--true courtesy that respects the rights and feelings of all. Courtesy and friendly knowledge about your neighbour help prevent tensions, and build a stronger community.

RELIGIOUS DIETARY LAWS

• Many Jews observe restrictions concerning food and its preparation, but naturally, a non-Jewish home is not equipped to follow them. However, it is important to know that people who maintain a kosher home will usually not eat the following foods away from home: shellfish, pork or meat. Many Jews will not eat most foods away from home during Passover.
• Muslims do not eat pork or shellfish, nor drink alcohol.
• If a Roman Catholic is to be a guest on Ash Wednesday, or on Fridays in Lent it is considerate to plan the meal around fish or other non-meat dishes.
• Most Protestants do not observe dietary laws, although some abstain from alcoholic beverages. Seventh Day Adventists refrain from alcohol and are vegetarians.
• Orthodox Christians observe various abstinence practices. Except for special times during the liturgical year such as the week after Easter (Bright Week), Orthodox Christians abstain from meat and/or dairy products each Wednesday and Friday. Before major feast days in the church, for example, Easter, Christmas, or Assumption of the Virgin Mary, abstinence from all meat and dairy products is expected. The period of fasting ranges from one day to the forty-day Great Lenten period before Easter. During the month of Ramadan Muslims do not eat or drink from dawn to dusk

RELIGIOUS HOLIDAYS

• CHRISTIANS: Ash Wednesday, Palm Sunday, Good Friday, Easter, Pentecost, Christmas
• JEWS: Rosh Hashanah (New Year), Yom Kippur (Day of Atonement), Sukkot (Fall Harvest), Hannukah, Purim (Victory over Haman), Passover (seven or eight day celebration of freedom), Shavuot (giving of the Torah)
• MUSLIMS: Ramadan (month of the first revelation of the Qu'ran during which believers fast for 30 days in daylight hours, Eid-ul-Fitr (conclusion of Ramadan), Eid-ul-Adha (Abraham's sacrifice), Milad-un-Nabi (prophet Muhammad's birthday)

• Birth: Eastern Orthodox children have just one given name. Soon after birth, on or about the 40th day, the infant and mother go to church on a Sunday to be blessed. This practice is called a Churching.
• Baptism: The Eastern Orthodox confirms at the time of baptism in early infancy (usually within the first year of life). Following Christ's command to baptize in the Name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, the child is immersed three times in a baptismal font. At this time the child is given a Christian name, chrismated (confirmed), tonsured (cutting of hair), and given communion. Godparents agree to monitor the spiritual development of the child. The baptismal service is normally performed on a Sunday after the Divine Liturgy. Friends and relatives are always invited to this joyous occasion and to the celebration that takes place afterwards.
• Communion: The child is permitted to receive communion as an infant. The Eucharist is in fact offered at each Divine Liturgy celebrated each Sunday and on other special days of the liturgical year to baptized Orthodox Christians. It is not offered to non-Orthodox Christians.
• Chrismation (Confirmation): It is the Orthodox practice to confirm an individual at the time of baptism.
• Marriage: To Orthodox Christians marriage is a sacrament, or to use the Greek word, mysterium, because Christ is part of the marriage and the Holy Spirit is called upon to make the couple one flesh. In addition, at the marriage service the husband and wife are crowned as the king and queen of their home and potential family, circle the altar in the dance of Isaiah, share a common cup of wine, and are blessed as God blessed Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebecca, Joachim and Anna, Zecharias and Elizabeth, and as the couple at the Marriage Feast at Cana. Friends and relatives are invited to the wedding service and the following reception to congratulate and to bless the newly married couple.
• Death: Normal practice is to hold a funeral service in the Church three days after death. Before then, calling hours at a funeral home for one to two days depending upon the circumstances are arranged to allow friends and relatives to pay respect to the departed and to console the family. Each day before burial the priest conducts the Trisagion Prayers of mercy at the wake. After the funeral and final Trisagion at the cemetery, a Meal of Mercy is prepared and offered at the Church or at a nearby restaurant for the family and friends . During this period flowers may be sent to the funeral home, and/or donations made to the Church, and/or donations made in the deceased person's name to a designated charity. It has become customary that black or somber clothes are worn to the wake and funeral. In the Orthodox tradition, however, the color to be worn by the priest is white during the funeral service. Out-of-town friends and relatives who are not able to attend the funeral may send flowers and/or messages of condolences to the funeral home or to the family home.
• Namedays: Within Eastern Orthodoxy, there is the practice of celebrating a patron saint's feast day--the saint for whom one is named. It's appropriate to offer congratulations.

• Birth: It's acceptable to send flowers, cards, or give a small gift for the baby. Among Catholics, baptism usually occurs during the child's first few months of life. Baptism generally takes place on a Sunday afternoon or at a regular Sunday liturgy.
• Communion: Communion is administered to Catholics, starting about the second grade, whether or not they are confirmed after a period of instruction. Catholics generally do not offer communion to non-Catholics.
• Confirmation: Western Catholics generally administer the Sacrament of Confirmation during high school years. Confirmation is perceived as the gift of the Holy Spirit to empower one to live as a Christian in the world but is also used as an opportunity to to renew one's baptismal commitment. Eastern Catholics generally have the same practice as the Orthodox of confirming at the time of baptism in infancy. It is appropriate to congratulate the newly confirmed and join in the family celebration.
• Marriage: Marriage of two Christians is considered a sacrament by Catholics. Catholics are expected to be married before a priest and two witnesses. The wedding must take place in a church unless a Catholic is marrying a Muslim or Jew. Catholics marrying Christians of other churches are readily granted permission to be married in the church of the other Christian before his or her priest or minister as long as the Catholic affirms his or her intent to continue living the Catholic faith and endeavoring to share that faith with their offspring. The official witness at the marriage of a Catholic need not be a Catholic.
• Death: If calling hours (wake) are held, it is appropriate to visit and offer condolences. Flowers may be sent to the funeral home or home of the bereaved. It's also appropriate to send flowers to the home unless the family requests no flowers.

• Birth: Some Protestant churches now provide a liturgical celebration of thanksgiving for the birth or adoption of a child.
• Baptism: Infant baptism is common in most Protestant churches. Some Protestant denominations permit two or more godparents. Some wait until the child is of an age to understand the baptismal ceremony before performing it, thus emphasizing the personal faith commmitment. Some Protestants do not baptize at all.
• The children of Congregationalist parents may be baptized at any age, and godparents are not traditional, though permissible. Episcopalians and Lutherans require godparents (or sponsors) for their children.
• For Baptists, actual baptism with complete immersion takes place any time after the age of twelve, when the individual is believed to be able to make a Free-will decision to come into the church.
• Presbyterians baptize at any age, without godparents. After the age of twelve, the individual is elected to the church.
• Methodists baptize at any time and the child has at least one sponsor. The parents make a statement at the time of baptism promising to bring up the child in the Christian way of life. Quakers do not have a christening ceremony.
• Communion: In some Protestant churches the individual minister may administer the sacrament to the baptized at his own discretion. In most Protestant churches, those who accept Jesus Christ may receive communion.
• Confirmation: Confirmation is generally understood as the mature act of faith whereby a person accepts the Baptismal vows, taken on her/his behalf, as her/his own responsibility. It is seen as an integral part of the initiation rite begun in Baptism.
• Marriage: In Protestant churches, marriage is recognized as a sacred event, preferably performed by an ordained minister/priest. Increasingly, most clergy require a serious pre-marriage counseling program with the engaged couple. A local church is considered the proper place for the wedding, but occasionally, for good reason, the setting may be elsewhere.
• Death: Ministry to the bereaved is very important. However, there is no uniformity concerning "calling hours," whether the burial service (funeral) will be from the church or the local funeral home, or whether or not flowers are appropriate. It is always appropriate, however, to express one's condolences to the bereaved and respect for the deceased by writing a note, attending the "calling hours" if they are held, attending the burial service unless it is private, and by offering a tangible expression of caring (food, flowers, a contribution to the person's church or charity) unless requested not to do so.

• Birth: Among religious Jews, the day of circumcision is the same day as the boy child-naming.
  A Jewish child is usually named after a deceased person. Biblical names are often used.
  A girl receives her name when her father goes to a synagogue as soon as possible after she is born, usually on a Sabbath (which is from Friday at sunset until Saturday at sunset). The father is called up to the Torah during the Torah reading service, and recites a blessing over the Torah. The Rabbi then recites a prayer in behalf of the newborn girl and her parents. At that time, the Hebrew name is given. There is no Jewish requirement for the appointment of godparents. However, many Jews have adopted the custom of appointing godparents at the birth of a boy or a girl. * Bar/Bat Mitzvah: It is a widely observed tradition for Jews to celebrate the Bar Mitzvah of a boy when he reaches the age of thirteen. Reform and Conservative Jews equally celebrate the Bat Mitzvah of girls when they reach the age of thirteen.
• Confirmation: Confirmation is a ceremony held in Reform and some Conservative congregations. It originated in Germany in the early part of the nineteenth century. It takes place on the Festival of Shavuot (weeks) when Jews celebrate the giving of the Torah to the Jewish people. Ninth or tenth grade students confirm their faith with an appropriate religious ceremony at that time. It is part of religious school training for Jewish children.
• Marriage: Marriage, according to Jewish tradition, is the natural state of man and woman: "Enjoy life with the wife whom you love..." (Ecclesiastes 9:9). In past tradition, an engagement ceremony preceded the wedding ceremony. Today, the ceremonies are joined together. The marital canopy (Chupah), marital document (Ketubah), exchange of rings, recitation of the seven wedding blessings, and breaking of the glass are among the traditional practices performed at wedding ceremonies. It is the custom that a rabbi and cantor officiate.
  Guests generally do not participate in the ceremony, but witness the joy of the ceremony. Dietary regulations (the observance of Kashmut) may apply to the wedding reception. They do apply in a Conservative or Orthodox wedding.
• Death: It is customary for friends and neighbors to prepare for the mourner the first meal after the funeral, and to encourage the bereaved to partake of the food. Do not bring non-kosher food to a kosher home. It is important, however, to know that one never sends flowers to a Jewish funeral. Condolence calls should be made no later than the Shivah (seven days) period of mourning. The seven days are counted from the day of the funeral. An hour of the seventh day is counted as a full day. Visits should be made, therefore, within the six days after the funeral. Many Jews, however, observe Shivah-mourning period for these days only.
  It is a growing custom for close friends to send flowers to the family of the deceased sometime during the weeks following the funeral (except to Orthodox Jews).
  Funerals are not encouraged in Orthodox synagogues. Therefore, Orthodox Jewish funerals are usually held in mortuary chapels or at home, with the men and women assembling side by side, men with covered heads.
  Among Orthodox and Conservative Jews it is customary for the immediate family and friends to return to the home of the mourners immediately following the interment of the deceased. Friends in the community come to the home of the mourners at evening time for seven days thereafter, for the purpose of participating in a worship service. It's called "Shivah," when the mourners do not leave their homes for any business or social contacts for seven days following the death of a loved one.
  Reform Jews return to the home of the mourners immediately following burial for a brief worship service. This religious service in the home is optional, and is conducted by the Rabbi or a layman at the suggestion of some member of the family. Reform Jews refrain from business and social contacts for a customary period of at least three days following the demise of a loved one.

MUSLIM

• Birth: According to Islamic beliefs, a child is born pure and innocent. The Muslims celebrate the birth of a child, as a child is considered to be a gift and trust of Allah. As followers of the Prophet Abraham's tradition, circumcision of the male child is a requirement in Islam, preferably within a week after the birth, child's health permitting.
• Aqiqah: After the birth of a child, the parents (as a practice of the Prophet), if financially capable, slaughter a lamb/goat and share the meat with the family, friends and the needy as a way of thanking Allah.
• Completion of the Holy Qur'an: The Qur'an is the word of Allah--the holy book of Islam. The first thing a Muslim child learns is how to read the Qur'an. The completion of the Qur'an by a child is celebrated with great pleasure and a sense of fulfillment by the family.
• First Fast of the Child: Fasting during the month of Ramadan is the third pillar of Islam. A child is encouraged to start fasting whenever (s)he is physically able to do so. Friends and relatives are invited for IFTAR (breaking the fast) when a child fasts for the first time. A child's accomplishment is celebrated by family, friends, and relatives.
• The Marriage (Al-Nikah): The Islamic teachings encourage Muslims to get married, to live together in harmony with mutual love and respect, to have children and to raise them as believing and practicing Muslims. Marriage in Islam is a mutual commitment between two persons before Allah. It is necessary that the marriage should be administered in public by any adult Muslim and witnessed by two persons.
  The ceremony may be performed at any convenient and appropriate gathering place, preferably in a mosque. It is required by Qur'an that a man give his wife some sort of marriage gift (MOHAIR) that he can afford. This gift is hers by right.
• Death: Death is the end of the present life, but a Muslim believes in the life hereafter. Death is considered to be Allah's will. For Muslims, death is not the final end, but a temporary separation of soul from the body which will be brought back to life on the Day of Judgment. When a Muslim learns the news of a person's death, he says:
  "Inna Lillahae wa Inna Elaihae Rajae'uon." (Verily, unto Allah do we belong and verily, unto Him shall we return--Quran 2:156).
  Relatives and friends gather at the home of the deceased Person, give comfort to the immediate family members, recite the Qur'an and pray for Allah's forgiveness and mercy for the dead.
  Relatives and friends gather at the home of the deceased person, give comfort to the immediate family members, recite the Qur'an and pray for Allah's forgiveness and mercy for the dead.
  The dead body is buried as soon as possible; cremation and routine autopsies are forbidden. The burial is the top priority after a person dies and must take place as soon as arrangements can be made. No formalities or waiting for anybody should delay the burial. Therefore, friends and relatives expedite the process and complete the burial. For burial, the body is washed (a man by men and a woman by a woman).
  Burial should take place in the most sober and dignified manner and the resources should be saved for the survivors rather than wasting them on an exorbitant burial. The face showing is not in the culture of lslam, though close relatives may do so.
  In the event of a male death, his widow must observe a waiting period of about four lunar months. She may get married after that period. This is necessary in order to determine her probable pregnancy with the deceased husband, and therefore the distribution of his bequest to his children. The friends and relatives are obliged to keep the grieved family relieved of the burden of preparing meals for three days.
  The recitation of the holy Qur'an is recommended by the bedside of a person about to die to facilitate the remembrance of Allah. The funeral prayer (service) is an obligation of Muslims. It should be observed by at least some, but not necessarily all. Visiting the mourners during the first three days after the death is highly recommended. Given lslam's emphasis on moderation and simplicity, gifts of flowers and candy are not suitable. The non-Muslim friends can show their sympathy and love in so many other ways, such as by being present at the funeral services or by paying a visit to the mourning family. Non-Muslim friends may express their sympathy to the bereaved family by saying that Allah show His Mercy to the deceased and forgive him/her.
• Moderation in Celebration of Festivals and Social Occasions: In the celebration of all occasions, whether they are of religious nature or of social character, Islam advocates moderation and never allows an individual to exceed the socio-moral norms of responsibility. While the Eids are occasions for joy and happiness they are certainly not occasions for frivolity, overeating, etc. The joy that a Muslim feels on Eid is the spiritual joy of fulfillment achieved through discipline, piety, and collective worship to Allah. Each of the Eid days begins with prayer (Salat) and is spent in alms giving, visiting friends and relatives, and exchanging gifts and greetings. The spirit of Eid is the spirit of peace, forgiveness, and togetherness.
  The spirit of moderation also teaches one to avoid extravagance and display of material wealth. In Islam the social status and rank comes not with money but through piety and obedience to Allah.